TURNING 10950 DAYS OLD
Admittedly this is a rather belated blog, – I officially turned 30 at the middle of last month – though this has given me time to process and digest the reality of having entered into the fourth decade of my life. That is being as close to 50 as I am to having been a boy of 10! What a sobering thought.
Reflecting has always been something that I’ve enjoyed doing. Harnessing sentiments and experiences of the past is something that I’ve always used to plough me into the future. Admittedly I’ve always been rather a sucker for nostalgia. In many senses, I’d class this as almost a weakness in many respects in so far as this dependence largely based a fantastical notion, in that I draw on comforts from the past to propel me into the future. In my defence of this, I’ll merely point to the fact that I maintain that my best time is yet to come, so I am not just negatively dwelling. It is actually documented that men are surprisingly more nostalgic than women by nature. Perhaps this is part of our supposed liking to exert control and the past is something that you can convince yourself of knowing where you’re at with able to take control over.
Rather, I am drawn to positive images that I can effortlessly project from my past to ensure that I know how best to try to furnish my existence towards as positive future as I can attain.
Without wanting to sound overly morbid, I can exist believing that if I were – for whatever reason – to pop my little clogs tomorrow, at least I’d have enjoyed a rich life. As ridiculous along with pointless as this hypothetical assertion is, knowing that I’d be satisfied with my quality of life overall, allows for greater fulfilment and trust in so far as the choices that I make.
Enjoying treading water and accepting it as a productive way to glide through life is a major lesson that my twenties has afforded. Released is something that I feel from many former preoccupations. Perspective is something that I feel that my new age is, in licensing the choices that you make being far more directly related to what you want to be doing rather than as a result of what you feel you should be doing.
Ashamedly almost, I was rather consumed by the world’s opinion of me, in being obsessed with people that I wanted to have as friends liking me, without really giving a stuff what anybody else thought. Of course, I’d never have admitted to ever behaving or acting in a certain way in order to get certain people to afford you some value. Whereas I maintain that there is nothing ever wrong with liking to be liked, only I’ve come to accept that you’ll never have a true idea of what anybody else will react to ANYTHING.
In this, I am expressing the feeling there is no real point in ever trying to conquer anything beyond the actualisation of yourself. Apologies if I seem to be recalling protocol from my training to become a counsellor! All that I am trying to say, is that knowing and having confidence in yourself, is the only thing that you can ever truly rely or depend upon. Everything else can only be based upon a supposition or judgement.
As much as a sociable and ‘people-person’ as I feel that I am destined to always be, I find it freeing to feel that I have removed myself from the almost audacious supposition that we have a duty to change people to come around to our way of thinking. Of course we should all be capable of advertising our opinions and giving people the opportunity to accept or reject them without automatically chastising them for thinking in a different way to you?
Well this is what I’ve come to regard as maturity anyway. The knowledge that as long as you conduct yourself in a way that you are happy with, whatever other people think or do, need really not be made any of your business beyond trying to understand how their frame of reference got them into acting in the way that they chose. That has to be the only way to ever make a positive difference to anything.
Anyway, I feel myself to be on the cusp of making things end up political. That is not what I wanted to do; all that I really have left to say is that I want to enjoy going through my thirties. We’re still all as young as we want to be and I’ll always have a penchant for drama, though my thirties need not be quite as dramatic in comparison my early twenties… Let’s all help each other in having as many new experiences as possible.
I moisturise. That's the only noticable way that my life has changed.